One night in March of this year, I popped over to my Grandma's house to see her after learning that she hadn't been feeling too hot in the few days before, that she had fallen, and was really having a hard time. Being close to her, I wanted to see for myself. What I saw when I walked in the door was not expected at all. She looked like my grandma - but not really - and she sort of sounded like my Grandma, but even that was debatable. Something was wrong! Turns out that after 3 trips to the ER, countless calls to her regular Dr, and an MRI of her head and neck, the problem revealed itself. She had been having strokes. Not just one, but at least 4! One of them had done some pretty significant damage and was the reason for her neurological symptoms which had previously been chalked up to a pinched nerve. With the problem now known, we could begin a course for rehabilitation. A little background.... To know my Grandmother is to know that she is about as stubborn as a mule having a bad day. She will tell you her mother was the most stubborn woman to live, but her sister Belle has confirmed that my Grandma Lila is in fact the winner of the title. She does it with grace and dignity. But I learned early on that she didn't take any bull, and standing about 5 foot tall she can still grab me by the ear to get my attention if she wants to and I'm not taking my chances on that one. So, when I heard her telling me things like "I've outlived my usefulness" and other thoughts she was having shortly thereafter while in the skilled nursing facility, I fought back some serious tears. Call me selfish, but I wasn't ready to lose her from my life! This was a woman who had lived through some incredibly difficult times, and from where I stood it looked like a mole-hill rather than a mountain. Eventually her outlook improved as she began taking steps again and being able to do more and more for herself. Occupational, physical and speech therapists worked with her daily. She was regaining her resilient spirit with every week. I knew that my aunt had been a care-taker for her quadriplegic ex-husband for about 20 years, and that she was more qualified than most to step into the job, but that she would need "me" breaks. So, I signed up to take a couple days a week in the evening so that she could get out and do things while Grandma needed 24 hour care over then next few months. A couple months back on one of my regular Monday night visits to see my Grandma, enjoy her company, and hang out so my aunt could take a break and get to her bible study class, she and I got to talking about something in October. Her response was "I might not be here"... Ummmm, excuse me? Where would you be going? Why? Did you talk to the Dr and get a prognosis I am unaware of? Turns out the reason was quite simple. My aunt who lives with Grandma full time has been planning a cross-country road-trip to see her kiddos and grand-kiddos in the midwest and it was looking like there would be 6 weeks where Grandma was going to be uprooted from her home. Perhaps I'm nuts, but my immediate response was to ask her, "Is that what you want to do"? At the time she honestly did not see any other options. Only one of her kids had a house that had a ramp to get in and out, grab-bars in the shower and an extra room for her to stay in. I gave her another option - I could come to her house and stay there with her so that she could stay at home. At first she argued because she knows that I have a full plate, but eventually decided it was the best option. And that's why earlier this month, I moved in with my grandma.
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Test anxiety - it's a real thing. Some people even have a trauma response to quizzes and exams. When this happens their "minds go blank", they hyper-focus on something trivial, or in rare cases have panic attacks. Their brains play tricks on them and instead of being able to stay in their frontal lobes, the amygdala takes over and produces a fight, flight, or freeze response. Has that ever happened to you? Because I have received some pretty intensive therapy in my day, my understanding of this has been necessary to overcome some of my personal trauma. No, I am not a shrink. I do not have a license to give medical or psychological advice, but I do have a method that I use, have taught many students, and have found to be helpful. A SuggestionThis method only works for me and others that I know who use it because we practice it when we are NOT taking an exam. We practice it when we are doing homework and feel our bodies shifting. We start to feel our hearts racing, curse words slipping through our teeth, shoulders tightening, tingling in our arms or shoulders.. something physically happening. We practice looking for "the tell". When we feel the tell coming on, we do the method below. Then we continue what we are doing. It becomes a habit. I find myself doing it in the car while my husband is driving, or when dealing with a particularly difficult person in my life. It gets be back into the here. It brings me back to NOW! THe MethodPlace both feet on the floor in front of you. Put down anything in your hands, Place your palms on the table in front of you or on the tops of your thighs. Close your eyes. Take a big, deep breath in. Then let it out.. Repeat twice more. Silently, to yourself, say the words "I've got this." Do you believe the words? If not, take another breath in and let it out. Try the words again. Only reopen your eyes when you truly believe the words. When you reopen your eyes, things might seem a little more manageable. This is not a cure-all, and definitely takes some practice before the exam for it to work, but if it can peel me off the roof when I have all but climbed out of my skin and up the walls, maybe it can help you too. Xo, Michelle I was raised by my parents in the Lutheran faith. From grades K-8th, I attended Lutheran school nearly every year, participating in chapel services, church, religious studies, catechism, communion.. the works. I know about the bible and its message better than many, and have wrestled with my beliefs on more than one occasion. Those questions have led me to be labeled a "New Christian" and other things mostly because I did not have blind faith and often questioned things.
Ultimately, I decided that following a number of interactions with people who professed faith, but did not live by their own proclaimed doctrine, that I could no longer consider myself of any particular religion. During my life I have been the subject of abuse by various people who have had leadership in the churches I attended. People are fallible and the church is run by people. This sauce tastes great on chicken, pork, pasta and countless other things, and when I make it my friends nearly always ask for the recipe. Right, Carl?! I remember visiting friends on a Nantucket and making Chicken Cordon Bleu with this sauce as a topping - we had leftovers and used it on eggs Benedict the next morning in place of hollandaise. Talk about yummy deliciousness! |
AuthorI'm Michelle, and I've got a full plate! As a full-time dietetics student, step-mom, wife, study coach, and tutor in my late 30's, some days I'm barely scraping by. But, no matter what is on my plate, it's always gluten free! Categories
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