As a kid growing up in a Lutheran household, we were taught a differing view of Halloween. It was a serious thing that impacted Martin Luther’s views and eventual action to reform the church. We were also warned constantly about all of the bad stuff that could have happened to the candy, from drug needles to poisoning, so I never really enjoyed the whole thing.
Once the Hubs and I met, Halloween became about his kiddos, walking the streets, waiting at curbs and seeing all of the cute costumes other kids were wearing. I began to enjoy it through their eyes. But, since we were out with them, our house stayed dark. We put up a “Sorry No Candy” sign and went about our business. Today, I see the holiday in a new way. I see the public health side of the holiday. As someone with celiac, my options are limited, and it makes for a lot of time researching what is safe and what isn’t. On another note, I’ve been educated about the hazards of sugar and it’s affects on long term health. Diabetes, obesity, heart disease, inflammatory symptoms and more have been linked. An article posted by UCSF along with countless other resources by experts provide guidelines. Most say to limit daily sugar to 6 tsps (25 g) for women, 9 tsps (38 g) for men, and an even smaller amount for children depending on their age. So, because I can’t control anyone but myself, our lights will again be off this year. Not because we will be out and about, or hate children in costumes, but because I don’t want to be a part of a growing problem. The Hubs and I will likely be in the back room watching Netflix or I’ll be in the office doing homework, but neither will be plopping sugar bombs into plastic pumpkins or pillowcases and literally feeding the issue.
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Remember that comic Family Circle? It often showed one of the characters' paths through the neighborhood or house which was never ever in a strait line. Today, my path to getting started on my day looked a lot like that dotted line. First, I saw a package of defrosted Italian sausage in the fridge while wondering what in the hell we were gonna have for dinner since I'm the lone parent this weekend while the Hubs works as for the election. That same sausage said, "pick me!", which led to thoughts of spaghetti sauce. Being new at the blog thing my brain told me that I should take pictures and write up what I was throwing in the pot to share.. but my kitchen is a wreck, so I was only taking photos of the inside of the pot so nobody could see the state of my stove, the crap that had snuck down between the counters and the fact that I haven't scrubbed the top of the thing in weeks. So, I cleaned.. and scrubbed, and decided to bless my husband with the gift of a clean kitchen when he gets home. Because a busy wife feeling guilty and full of shame because she is often buried under a mol of homework will always hustle for approval from her husband to avoid the discomfort of feeling like "I'm not enough" in the wife department. (For the record, the Hubs is not that guy.. he knows how much effort I am putting into this whole life thing and is totally supportive, especially in those moments when I'm being a turd.) Back to that meat sauce.. I created it completely based on things I like and what I wanted in that moment using techniques I've learned in my travels working in kitchens, watching Food Network, and loving food! Nothing about this sauce is traditional - It's just the way I made it today. Usually I don't have a recipe, and I definitely don't buy into the low fat life, because I know that fat is flavor.. without it we add in sugar and salt and all the other things that it takes to make cardboard taste good, so you won't find me draining off the sausage or skimping on the olive oil. Ingredients1-2 T EVOO 2 carrots, sliced into 1/2 in rounds 1 med red onion, diced ½ yellow onion, diced ½ green bell pepper, diced 3 T unsalted butter 1/2 t crushed red pepper 3 cloves garlic, minced 2 T tomato paste 1/4 C marsala wine 1 Qt jar of home canned whole tomatoes (can sub a 28oz can) 4 links basil garlic italian sausage, casings removed and crumbled. 1 pkg button mushrooms chopped 1/4 C chopped fresh basil 1 t chopped fresh oregano 1 t chopped fresh sage leaves salt and pepper to taste Your favorite fresh or dried pasta* Directions
*NOTE: After countless gluten free pastas, we have found that Barilla has one that we use exclusively here. It is tasty, has a good texture and doesn't seem dry in recipes. With this sauce we will be eating rotini, cuz it's what we have on hand.
Just simply having a planner isn’t helpful. When it sits in my backpack for a week and I forget to look at it, the thing is about as useful as that kitchen gadget I use once every 2 years. You know the one that is specifically made for a single purpose, that Alton Brown has declared a "unitasker". That one. So, I’m pulling it out of storage and making it my game plan again. For me, checking off to-do list items is exhilarating. So much so that some have even seen me add things to my list after the fact so I could get the satisfaction of making that perfect little ✔️ mark in the box. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and is that little nudge to remind me of my progress. My love of lists and spreadsheets and such were even mentioned at our wedding reception by my matron of honor in her toast. Maybe it’s a sickness. I'm alright with that. Needless to say, I’ve neglected my list. In my busy and go-go-go hamster on a wheel nonsense, my pretty little planner with its own pen and adorable binder clip marking the right page are now 2 weeks untouched. My office is a disaster, and it’s a reflection of the thoughts in my brain. All over the place. So, today I have made a to-do list that won’t go in the planner:
Of course, I could make more excuses, but instead I'm gonna get off my arsse and put my feet to the pavement!
Update: The sunglasses, headphones, check, coffee mug and a few other things weren’t lost... They were buried under piles of shit in the office. It’s like Christmas sometimes after cleaning up weeks worth of mess. Now, sitting at my desk and doing work is relaxing! It is the middle of the semester. The point where the newness has worn off, midterms are happening and the end is too far in the distance to see the finish line. It's the part where when asked how I'm doing I say with a scrunched up face, "exhausted", "busy", or simply let out a groan. I'm behind on laundry and chores, I'm cranky with my husband and the kids, with a side of yelling when I reach my limit. It's not always pretty. As a busy student, I neither have the time nor the desire to read a single word that I do not absolutely have to. So, instead I borrow audio-books from the library and listen to them on my commute to and from school or work. Recently I was listening to Brene Brown's Rising Strong, and was struck by the part that talked about not being able to skip the middle. It's the part where we do something she calls the "rumble". As I listen to myself and others talking about how we don't have the time, feel overwhelmed and begin blaming professors for stalled learning, it's clear we are in the middle. We need to take a look at our narratives closely.
Personally this is where I need to look at that story in my head, planted in 5th grade that said I would never be in the medical field, because I wasn't good enough at math or science. It was a lie then, and it is still a lie today. Somehow though, when I get tired, frustrated, and haven't been taking care of my emotional health, the message resurfaces. In those moments I cannot see my accomplishments, the people around me who love me, or even how funny a TV show is. I can only hear that old tape. The lens through which I see myself is unnecessarily dark; it's filled with shame and fear and frustration. Every load of laundry left undone, toilet left un-scrubbed, and point missed on a quiz all of the sudden look like a thousand ways I am a failure. I lose perspective. Listening to Brene, I was reminded that it is in these moments perhaps I need to get more creative. Instead of moving ahead with the status quo, I need to tap into my vulnerability. Maybe I need to look at my husband and tell him that I need help with the laundry. Perhaps, instead of blaming the professor for why I "don't get it", he sucks, and I'm going to fail, I can look at my part and accept responsibility for the fact that I'm not up with the reading or homework, and regather focus. The middle of the semester is the part where we have lost motivation, but need to find it again. For me, this means looking at Brene's words and searching for healthy answers through setting boundaries, asking for help, staying accountable, looking at my shitty self-talk, and reconnecting with my husband and tribe. Today I will give myself permission to feel the struggle, recognize the story, and then decide how it ends. |
AuthorI'm Michelle, and I've got a full plate! As a full-time dietetics student, step-mom, wife, study coach, and tutor in my late 30's, some days I'm barely scraping by. But, no matter what is on my plate, it's always gluten free! Categories
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