I hear people talking all the time about how they wish they could go back and be young again. It is one thing that has NEVER sounded like an enticing idea to me - not even for one minute! You see, my childhood was pretty full of loss, sadness and feelings of loneliness. Those things take time to process and get healing from when you don't have the right kinds of support and early intervention. And the tripping and falling and bumps and bruises that come with the healing process can be just as painful. Take for instance the time I lived with my aunt and uncle in Michigan for 3 months at the age of 20. I had looked at the community college there and had hoped to start a new life full of promise away from my childhood. But, I had no tools to handle that moment when my aunt told me that I had disappointed her with my behavior. Coupled with the sticker shock of non-resident tuition and a retail job I dreaded having to go to, it just seemed easier to go back "home" to California. When I think of that moment - when I decided to "go home" - it had FEAR written all over it! As in my favorite acronym for the word, "f**k everything and RUN"!! The better choice may have been to "face everything and rise".. but I wasn't in a place of healing. Fast forward to this year, for my 39th birthday - landing in Detroit and seeing this same aunt and having so much joy in my heart. It was the first time we had been eyeball to eyeball since the day before I moved away from her house. We spent some really nice quality time together and I got to sit with her and tell her that I was broken and handled the situation poorly. A lot of the same situations have happened throughout the years. With life lived I have also gained wisdom. That wisdom translates into humility (not humiliation), new behaviors, goals, and amends being made. I like being the woman I am today. I like knowing that I have tools to do things and handle situations in new ways without throwing pity parties of one. I love being 39! And, I love that my soul is finally settling into a high quality existence that in some places would be defined as "fine"
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI'm Michelle, and I've got a full plate! As a full-time dietetics student, step-mom, wife, study coach, and tutor in my late 30's, some days I'm barely scraping by. But, no matter what is on my plate, it's always gluten free! Categories
All
Archives
August 2020
|