If you are in my sphere, chances are you have heard me talk about my "hula-hoop". But, for those that don't know me well, it can be a bit confusing. So, today I will attempt to explain... In my mid-20's I was struggling a lot with relationships, frustration, my life's purpose and path. It was pre celiac diagnosis, so the chronic pain I was in was only making it all that much worse. I was miserable. I was angry. I was a mess. Somehow, I made it to a group of women who were on a path to a happier life, and one night as we were talking, someone said "pretend there is a hula-hoop around your feet - what's inside of that, you can control - what's outside, you can't." That image stuck! From learning that empathy is not about feeling for people, to recognizing that "no" is a perfectly acceptable response, slowly but surely I have embraced the philosophy. And, honestly, at the end of the day realized that it is really all about having clear boundaries. Know where I start and end, as well as where others begin and end. This means that I have had to learn to be responsible for my words, choices, feelings my attitudes, thoughts, and how I respond to others. On the other had, I had to learn that I am not responsible for those things in others. Furthermore, I cannot control the past, the future, natural disasters, the news, or political climates. I do not tolerate a lot of bullshit in my life today, and that is part of the process for me. I speak up when my needs are not being met, people are asking for things I cannot give, and when people step too far into my hula-hoop and attempt to have a say over things that are not their responsibility. On the other hand, I give a lot of myself to others through mentorship, tutoring, step-parenting and coaching. Boundaries don't mean keeping people out, it means holding myself and others accountable so that I can give what I have to this world without feeling abused, mistreated, resentful or like that mid-20s version of me that was in so much pain. Today boundaries are my safe place, and my hula-hoop reminds me that I have control over my future and mental health.
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AuthorI'm Michelle, and I've got a full plate! As a full-time dietetics student, step-mom, wife, study coach, and tutor in my late 30's, some days I'm barely scraping by. But, no matter what is on my plate, it's always gluten free! Categories
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